If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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