Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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