my phone needs a breathalizer
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
