then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize