I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
