Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
