it hurts more in the daytime
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
