She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize