Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
