My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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