Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
