yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
