Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
