u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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