is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
