i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
