someone threw a dead crab at me
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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