Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
