hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
