he puts the penis in happiness.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
