ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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