ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize