THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
