Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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