Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
