And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
