I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
