last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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