My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
