i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
