You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
