the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
