It's just like the Real World with babies
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
