Fuck appropriateness.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
