I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
