never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
