i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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