i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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