Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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