i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
