My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
