After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
