not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
