Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
