Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
