I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I die, sorry about rent.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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