I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
