I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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