Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just sent this text using only my big toe
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
