So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize