I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
