i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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