Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
