Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
