So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
