he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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