I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
