I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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