So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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