Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
