please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
