I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize