the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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