Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
