the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
