he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
