My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
