remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
