Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
