big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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