he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
