Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
