in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
