Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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